What I learned in Brazil

Returning to "real life" has consumed my attentions the past two months, but I have wanted to summarize our experience in Brazil beyond just the travelogue. So here goes...(warning: I am an obsessive list-maker so this post contains multiple bullet-lists!)

I had so much fun observing all the interesting, special, and funny cultural things about Brazil and Brazilians. So - for my first list:

• Brazilians are happy people!
  
• They eat chocolate cake (brigadeiro) and tropical fruit for breakfast! (this explains the first bullet)
• They tend to value people and relationships over things. There doesn't seem to be the same ultra-materialistic drive as in the US (this also explains the first bullet!)
• At the same time they seem to prefer 'modern things' over 'traditional'
  
• They have a very relaxed sense of time - things seldom start on time, even in the temple!
  
• Brazil is much more of a cultural melting pot than the US in many ways - there doesn't seem to be the same tendency toward segregation since everyone is very racially mixed
• There is a lot of economic disparity and class distinction....the favellas are a vivid reminder of this.
  
• They like to drive tiny cars and take public transportation- the gas guzzlers haven't made it to Brazil quite yet.
• They are really child -friendly - airports, buses, check-out lines all listed children as 'priority' so you could soar to the front of the lines!
• They have a superstition about handbags/purses/etc. -placing them on the ground is bad luck, so in public places everyone gives their bags their own seat!
• Flip flops are the national footwear
• The 'wal-mart' concept doesn't really work - you can find things cheaper elsewhere close by
• They eat their main meal at lunch time and just have simple snacks at dinner (better for your health!)
  
• salespeople in wal-mart and other shopping places use roller blades in the store!
  
• They don't like to put real sugar in things when they can help it - they use saccharin which is not banned like it is here
• They don't refrigerate their eggs in the stores - but they do at home
  
• Brazil has a very religion-friendly culture in general - there's quite a mix of beliefs, but a general acceptance that religion is good
  
• It is also a very sensual culture - no shock here - just a lot more prevalent than I had expected which made it challenging for the kids sometimes.
  
• I didn't feel as 'out of place' as I expected to feel - maybe because most of my foreign experiences were in Asia where I really stuck out - in fact people seemed sort of surprised when i didn't speak Portugeuse (whereas in China they gush if you speak even a few words of Chinese)

This is one of the wal-mart roller-blader salespeople - what a great job!!

This is Grandma riding with us on the bus - doing her job to 'spare the air'!

While our trip wasn't necessarily "relaxing" because we had the whole family with us, still it was truly - the most incredible, memorable, fun, action-packed adventure ever. It totally "pegged out the fun-meter" as my mom would say :) We spent a whole month:

• exploring new things and having a new adventure every day!
• seeing some of the most breathtakingly beautiful places on earth - beaches, mountains, rainforest, waterfalls, wildlife, huge cities, tiny towns
  
• learning a fascinating new language, culture, and history
  
• meeting lots of wonderful new people - friendly, kind, bend-over-backwards to help you people
  
• having lots of wonderful help from grandparents so we could go on lots of dates
• enjoying lots of new foods - tons of tropical fruit! rice & beans! guarana! suco de maracuja! bon bons! churrascaria! x-todo!
• escaping to wonderfully warm weather in the middle of winter
  
• having absolutely no obligations. Nate didn't even check his work email. We were truly on vacation!
  

The sense of time kind of just slowed down - even Natalie took almost regular naps!

On the other hand - it was also one of the more stretching experiences I've had in a long time because it involved:

• living in very close quarters (a single room) with three very ACTIVE and very young children (you know what I mean if you've spent even a little bit time with them).
  
• losing a lot of sleep over an extended period of time (which studies have shown is equivalent to the mental impairment caused by drunkenness - no joke!)
• the stress of frequent transitions from city to city, hotel to hotel
  
• balancing the different needs and expectations of the different people in our group
  
• not being able to communicate well (at least for the kids and I)
  
• having to set most of our normal routines aside
• still adjusting to a new addition to the family
  

There is something about traveling and being outside your normal routine that tends to reveal both your strengths and weaknesses more than usual. It invites positive change! On the strength side, I realized that I have been trained from a young age to love learning, adventure, and not fear the unknown - and it helped make the trip so enjoyable for me. I see challenges as adventures! On the weakness side, I realized that in times of stress, I tend to get more critical of myself and others, which clouds my ability to see things clearly. I also expect a lot of myself and others to the point of perfectionism which we all know is less than healthy, but a very hard habit to break.



Now - mind you - I did embark on this trip knowing full well that I tend to not do well with the combination of lack of sleep and really wired kids. I knew what I was getting myself into. When there were times when I found myself reaching my limit and losing patience I was so grateful for:

• gratitude - I know it sounds redundant and maybe even a little cliche to be grateful for gratitude, but counting my blessings is therapy for me (focusing on the first list rather than the second)
  
• praying for help with specific things ("help me resist the urge to duct-tape my child's mouth when he wakes up screaming every morning at 5 am")
  
• the scriptures and conference talks - there was one conference talk in particular that gave me the courage to start changing how I handle challenging circumstances with more grace.
• writing in my journal - more free therapy!
  
• the opportunity to immerse myself in learning a new language, culture and history
• having quiet one-on-one time with each of my kids and hubby - and by myself, too
  
• learning to just 'let go' of the need to control things beyond my control
• gleaning pearls of wisdom from my extremely patient, loving, experienced, and non-judgmental parents-in-law - I love them both so much!
  

Looking back I see how the beauty of this trip was not only the time and memories spent together (both the joyful and the difficult ones), but also it was invitation to grow on many levels. Since we've gotten home I have really been working at 'changing expectations' (of myself and my children particularly) and have felt a lot of help from the Lord.

I feel like because of the things I learned in Brazil, I'm a much happier and more relaxed person in general, more able to live in the present and enjoy life just as it is, with all it's imperfections, bumps on the road, and twists in the journey. Hooray for that!

I recently came across this poem again and it puts things much better than I can...

"What we call the beginning is often the end
And to make and end is to make a beginning.
The end is where we start from. ...

We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all of our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time

Through the unknown, unremembered gate
When the last of earth left to discover
Is that which was the beginning;
At the source of the longest river
The voice of the hidden waterfall
And the children in the apple-tree
Not known, because not looked for
But heard, half-heard, in the stillness
Between two waves of the sea.
Quick now, here, now, always—
A condition of complete simplicity
(Costing not less than everything)
And all shall be well and
All manner of thing shall be well
When the tongues of flame are in-folded
Into the crowned knot of fire
And the fire and the rose are one."

T.S. Eliot, Little Gidding