Birthday Season!
Birthday season has hit the Hill home! We all have birthdays within 6 weeks of each other, and I lead the pack. I have a pretty cool birthday. It has always been an auspicious date, 09/09 but nothing will beat this year's...never again will I have 09/09/09, turning 33. Nate took a picture of the clock at the auspicious minute: 09:09 am.
However, there are more reasons than just the 'auspiciousness' of the date & time & age that made this year special. I will say with all honesty, that in my adult life, my birthday has been one of the days I dread the most. I'm still figuring out why, really, but I suspect it has something to do with unmet expectations for myself and coming to grips with my own identity. It's not really an age thing for me. Really, it mostly just boils down to facing my own insecurities.
Well this year was different. I felt peace. I felt joy. I felt grateful. I didn't really expect much from myself, or anyone else, and so everything was a pleasant surprise! A foot rub and quality time with each member of my family was about all I wanted. Well, I do admit that I also asked for the "Sound of Music" DVD, but I honestly would have been happy without it :) (funny story about that below).
It was a delightful day - I got calls, emails, visits, facebook greetings, presents, hugs, kisses, birthday cake for breakfast, more than anyone could ask for. I got extra quality time with Lucas, Natalie and Nate. But I think what really made the most difference was how I started the day. I got a few quiet, peaceful moments in the BEGINNING of the day, not later at naptime, to read my scriptures. I read in Isaiah and just drank and feasted until it filled my parched soul.
As the day progressed I noticed some interesting things...I taught preschool and didn't feel stressed! Natalie refused to nap in her bed, and I didn't get emotional about it! I remembered the pre-kids days of being able to read first thing, and how nice that was. The sooner you read, the more of your day gets blessed. (don't mind my grammar) So, I ask myself, what do I need to give up so that I can get those blessings again?? Now, if only I could learn to GET TO BED EARLY!! (as I write it's almost midnight...shame on me :)
But, since I'm already up I'll quickly finish this post... back to the Sound of Music :). Nate ordered it from Wal-mart and it hadn't come in yet, so he printed out a picture of Maria in the field and slid it into the cover of the 'Napoleon Dynamite' DVD and wrapped it up for me. So when I opened it up, I was so excited when I saw the cover, and then turned it over and laughed. Later that night when kids were asleep, he said we were going to watch Napoleon. Since that was our first date together, I gladly obliged (esp. since he was going to fold the laundry!) Then I saw mountains and hills...and realized he actually DID get the right movie (it came that very day!) We had a good laugh about that one - he is always able to surprise me somehow. And somehow, I always manage to fall asleep in the chase scene of that movie...it's only fault is that it's just too long.
The other thing about the Sound of Music I love - if you will forgive my obsession - it is music that transforms and heals the family, softens their hearts and brings love back to them. I find that often during the day when I am busy with the mundane parts of the day, or when there is a stressful moment, it is often music, sung or played or listened to, that calms us all down, cheers us up and reminds us to just love each other and enjoy the moments we have. Moments that pass so quickly.
As I thought about the significance of age 33, the same age the Savior completed his mission on earth, at first I started feeling a little self-critical. How much have I really contributed to the world in my short life so far? But I quickly felt two impressions strongly - first, that I was missing the point! It's not about years or time, it's about just accepting the truth and learning to live by it. And second, I did in fact begin my 'parenting mission' at age 30, and while I am far from the parent I wish I could always be, I can confidently say I've put my whole heart and soul into giving my best the past 3 years! That's a lot to be proud of!
So this year, I am putting away the insecurities and self-centeredness. I am choosing joy. I am choosing gratitude. I'm choosing confidence in the right things! Maria sings it best:
What will this day be like? I wonder.
What will my future be? I wonder.
.....
I have confidence in sunshine
I have confidence in rain
I have confidence that spring will come again
Besides which you see I have confidence in me
Strength doesn't lie in numbers
Strength doesn't lie in wealth
Strength lies in nights of peaceful slumbers
When you wake up -- Wake Up!
It tells me all I trust I lead my heart to
All I trust becomes my own
I have confidence in confidence alone
(Oh help!)
I have confidence in confidence alone
Besides which you see I have confidence in me!
However, there are more reasons than just the 'auspiciousness' of the date & time & age that made this year special. I will say with all honesty, that in my adult life, my birthday has been one of the days I dread the most. I'm still figuring out why, really, but I suspect it has something to do with unmet expectations for myself and coming to grips with my own identity. It's not really an age thing for me. Really, it mostly just boils down to facing my own insecurities.
Well this year was different. I felt peace. I felt joy. I felt grateful. I didn't really expect much from myself, or anyone else, and so everything was a pleasant surprise! A foot rub and quality time with each member of my family was about all I wanted. Well, I do admit that I also asked for the "Sound of Music" DVD, but I honestly would have been happy without it :) (funny story about that below).
It was a delightful day - I got calls, emails, visits, facebook greetings, presents, hugs, kisses, birthday cake for breakfast, more than anyone could ask for. I got extra quality time with Lucas, Natalie and Nate. But I think what really made the most difference was how I started the day. I got a few quiet, peaceful moments in the BEGINNING of the day, not later at naptime, to read my scriptures. I read in Isaiah and just drank and feasted until it filled my parched soul.
As the day progressed I noticed some interesting things...I taught preschool and didn't feel stressed! Natalie refused to nap in her bed, and I didn't get emotional about it! I remembered the pre-kids days of being able to read first thing, and how nice that was. The sooner you read, the more of your day gets blessed. (don't mind my grammar) So, I ask myself, what do I need to give up so that I can get those blessings again?? Now, if only I could learn to GET TO BED EARLY!! (as I write it's almost midnight...shame on me :)
But, since I'm already up I'll quickly finish this post... back to the Sound of Music :). Nate ordered it from Wal-mart and it hadn't come in yet, so he printed out a picture of Maria in the field and slid it into the cover of the 'Napoleon Dynamite' DVD and wrapped it up for me. So when I opened it up, I was so excited when I saw the cover, and then turned it over and laughed. Later that night when kids were asleep, he said we were going to watch Napoleon. Since that was our first date together, I gladly obliged (esp. since he was going to fold the laundry!) Then I saw mountains and hills...and realized he actually DID get the right movie (it came that very day!) We had a good laugh about that one - he is always able to surprise me somehow. And somehow, I always manage to fall asleep in the chase scene of that movie...it's only fault is that it's just too long.
The other thing about the Sound of Music I love - if you will forgive my obsession - it is music that transforms and heals the family, softens their hearts and brings love back to them. I find that often during the day when I am busy with the mundane parts of the day, or when there is a stressful moment, it is often music, sung or played or listened to, that calms us all down, cheers us up and reminds us to just love each other and enjoy the moments we have. Moments that pass so quickly.
As I thought about the significance of age 33, the same age the Savior completed his mission on earth, at first I started feeling a little self-critical. How much have I really contributed to the world in my short life so far? But I quickly felt two impressions strongly - first, that I was missing the point! It's not about years or time, it's about just accepting the truth and learning to live by it. And second, I did in fact begin my 'parenting mission' at age 30, and while I am far from the parent I wish I could always be, I can confidently say I've put my whole heart and soul into giving my best the past 3 years! That's a lot to be proud of!
So this year, I am putting away the insecurities and self-centeredness. I am choosing joy. I am choosing gratitude. I'm choosing confidence in the right things! Maria sings it best:
What will this day be like? I wonder.
What will my future be? I wonder.
.....
I have confidence in sunshine
I have confidence in rain
I have confidence that spring will come again
Besides which you see I have confidence in me
Strength doesn't lie in numbers
Strength doesn't lie in wealth
Strength lies in nights of peaceful slumbers
When you wake up -- Wake Up!
It tells me all I trust I lead my heart to
All I trust becomes my own
I have confidence in confidence alone
(Oh help!)
I have confidence in confidence alone
Besides which you see I have confidence in me!
I love this Marcie! I'm so glad you had a great birthday and that you were able to see what the rest of us see - that you really have done a lot in your life and that you shouldn't be so hard on yourself. :) I love you!
ReplyDeleteI LOVE YOUR BLOG! It is so great to see the pictures of the wee ones and hear the stories behind them. I see so much of your Dad in Lucas - reminds me of your brother when I first met him. He also reminds me of Aedan!!!! Such a happy, busy little boy - oh the joys and the travails.
ReplyDeleteLooking forward to seeing more - hugs and love!
Erin